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Career, Talent & Moral Lifestyles
(LESSON 35):--- Ways to Tell Whether a Relationship is Positive Or Negative (Generalized).

Posted By:--issoj
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As human beings, we are highly social animals. That is why the relationships in our lives can make or break us. They either can lift us up or take us down. They can equally add or subtract from us.

Most importantly, they can help to give us energy or take those energies away from us.

Below is what I mean:

1. Relationships that takes from us:--

There abounds couple of good ways to know whether a relationship is positive or negative.

The first is to know if a person makes you feel better or worst about yourself.

The second concerns the level of energy the relationship requires.

To face it as a reality, some relationships leaves you feel like they can suck the life out of you. Below are the types of people who are likely to hurt us and suck hell of energy from us:

CRITICS = they give unwanted advise

MARTYRS = they are wracked with self-pity

WET BLANKETS = are pessimistic and habitually negative

STEAMROLLERS = blindly insensitive to others

GOSSIPS = spread rumors and leak secrets

CONTROL FREAKS = unable to let go and let things be

GREEN-EYED MONSTER = seethe with envy

VOLCANOES = build steam and are always ready to erupt

SPONGES = always in need but never give anything back

COMPETITORS = always keep track of tit for tat

Let me leave us with a straight forward quiz that can help you tell whether someone in your life is a negative person who takes energy away from you. So, you have to answer yes or no to each of the questions bellow:

--- How anxious do you feel when a particular person called and probably left a message for you to call back?

--- do your recent relationship drains you of enthusiasm and energy?

--- Do your relationship require you give more than you get in return?

--- How often do you second-guess your performance as a result of an interaction with this person?

--- do you become more self-critical in the presence of this person?

--- do you have blocked-creativity, or hampered clarity of mind, may be, by the lingering discomfort of having to deal with a difficult person?

--- do you often bite your nails, eat too much or engage in some other unhealthy habit just to calm yourself after engaging with this person?

--- do you wonder why this person singles you out for criticism and never find any good about you?

--- have you thought about leaving your career job as a result of having to interact with this person?

--- are you feeling being used as an experiment as a result of this relationship?

So, if you answer yes to ten or more of these questions, then you have to know that you are in a high maintenance relationship.

Have this in mind please; it is not only negative relationships that require you to apply energy. Positive ones do also. Because, relationship do not cultivate and sustain their selves, but the critical question should be, how much energy do they require?

And what do you have to gain in return? For example, some of the positive relationships that require I give tremendous amount of energy in my life includes:

…. My family
…. My inner circle of friends
…. My team at place of business
…. Those who are less fortunate than I am

2. Some Relationships Adds To Us:---

Truly speaking, some relationships clearly make us better. They go a long way to validate, energize and inspire us. Most times we cannot emphasize the level of joy we get from such relationships.

So, there is every need for us to consider the people in this relationship as friends and value them highly. Below are the lists of the type of people who can add value to your life and give you energy:

--- Your family: -- the best moments with them are simply the best moment.

--- Creative people: -- they will unleash creativity within you like no others.

--- Successful people: -- you should love to hear their story.

--- Encouraging people: -- their encouragement should be like oxygen to our souls.

--- Fun people: -- their laughter will always lift your spirit.

--- Good thinkers: -- conversations with them should be your favorite thing in life.

--- Your team: -- they should always add value to your life.

--- Learners: -- as interested people, they are always interesting people.

Positive relationships I must confess are the greatest gifts that life will ever offer to us.

3. Some relationships have tremendous impact to our lives:--

We should have in mind that, throughout our life time, we are destined to come in contact with thousands of people in varying levels of relationships.

So, let us examine the FOUR STAGES OF RELATIONSHIPS:

(i) Surface relationships:--

This is the stage of relationship that requires not commitment from the two participants. A typical example is the clerk who helps you in the office, acquaintances at church or games gathering like gym house.

The truth is that, you recognize these people and they recognize you, though you may even know their names but you do not know much than what you can observe from a distance about them.

(ii) Relationship that are structured:--

Structured relationship is a bit more involved than surface relationships. This normally occurs around routine encounters, most time at a particular place within a stipulated time.

They are developed around a common interest or activity. Examples are the people you know from schools or places of work, and people you share the same hobby with.

(iii) Secure relationships:--

This stage of relationship happens when surface and structured relationships grows, this will increase trust and the people involved will like to begin spending time together.
This eventually gulp-down into a genuine personal relationship. At this level, tremendous friendships are developed.

(iv) Relationships that are solid (solid relationships):--

This level of relationship is when people involved in secure relationships have gone to the extent of building on their friendship which will result to complete trust and absolute confidentiality.

These relationships are characterized by a mutual desire to give and serve one another because, they are long termed.

So, our desire should be to cultivate the most important relationships in our lives. This should be with your spouse, inner circle and best friends.

And if a relationship become lose-lose or win-lose, the relationship is negative because, positive relationships are always overall win-win.

See you next time!

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